Thanks Juliana! I'm excited to write about it. If there are any particular questions / challenges you're holding around friendships, let me know and I can try to weave it into the post.
A main friendship theme I've been thinking about is "depth of connection," namely, how much the other friend ~actually wants~ to connect versus being fine with a more superficial connection. I have some friends who see the ability to be authentically themselves with someone else as a non-negotiable (like if they can't be fully themselves and 'deep' then they'll be unsatisfied), where others seem to be perfectly fine maintaining a more, say, silly and fun type of friendship. This, from my experience, seems to be a pretty important (and unspoken) standard/factor to compatibility.
Not sure how this would get woven in, but just a thought!
I'm someone who is always yearning for deeper authentic connections, but I've learned that sometimes that's just not possible with certain friends and that's perfectly okay. It's a need/desire that is helpful to express though - you've just inspired a new idea of weaving this into agile friendship kick-offs! Thanks Juliana.
I love this! Been trying different variations of this within committed relationships and it definitely helps. Cultivating a safe space to reflect on the relationship and compassionately adjust as needed is so helpful. It takes away the anxiety of bringing something 'unpleasant' up.
The way you've shared this, makes it easy to remember, approachable, and playful! Thank you for writing this. It makes me really happy to see you following through on the intention of writing more!
Hi Amer! I love that you've already been embodying this in your relationships. I appreciate how you describe it as cultivating safe space. I feel that so many people don't feel safety even in their committed relationships, but perhaps something like this can help them towards that. I'm curious to know what your variations have looked like, and if there's a certain approach that's worked better for you.
Also, I'm grateful for your cheerleading around my writing! Feeling much less intellectually constipated now. I hope to read more from you as well!
Jessica, this is such a valuable essay, and I'm really looking forward to reading your posts about how these ideas come into play in long-term partnerships!
I feel like you could totally start an app or a dating course from this and it would catch on like fire!
This reminds me of what I heard from a friend, that she and her husband would schedule “couch chats” every two weeks to check in with their feelings about the relationship and themselves. Also a great way for relationship maintenance too (and friendships as you mentioned). Great post Jessica!
Thanks Clare! It makes me happy to know you think this could be a course. A few others have mentioned this as well, so I think I should seriously explore this idea. I'd love your input on this. What part do you think could be the most helpful to others?
I love that your friend and her husband are already living this idea. Couch chats is such a great name for it - light and playful.
I am obsessed with this and have shared it with so many people! First, it’s so well written and easy to understand. I’m already thinking about how I can incorporate this into my dating life. Something I love about this essay and your framework is you give space to yourself and your potential partners to have tough conversations. I’ve started to realize how important this is in relationships, but it’s hard for both sides to find the ideal time to address something. Looking forward to the follow up piece too!
This was eye-opening and inspiring! Looking forward to hearing what you have to say about agile friendships :)
Thanks Juliana! I'm excited to write about it. If there are any particular questions / challenges you're holding around friendships, let me know and I can try to weave it into the post.
A main friendship theme I've been thinking about is "depth of connection," namely, how much the other friend ~actually wants~ to connect versus being fine with a more superficial connection. I have some friends who see the ability to be authentically themselves with someone else as a non-negotiable (like if they can't be fully themselves and 'deep' then they'll be unsatisfied), where others seem to be perfectly fine maintaining a more, say, silly and fun type of friendship. This, from my experience, seems to be a pretty important (and unspoken) standard/factor to compatibility.
Not sure how this would get woven in, but just a thought!
This spectrum of "friendship depth" you mention resonates with me. I created a framework to help me make sense of it in a previous post called "How to Grow a Thriving Garden of Relationships (if you're interested, here's the link: https://www.jessicafan.ca/blog/2019/7/28/how-to-grow-a-thriving-garden-of-relationships )
I'm someone who is always yearning for deeper authentic connections, but I've learned that sometimes that's just not possible with certain friends and that's perfectly okay. It's a need/desire that is helpful to express though - you've just inspired a new idea of weaving this into agile friendship kick-offs! Thanks Juliana.
I love this! Been trying different variations of this within committed relationships and it definitely helps. Cultivating a safe space to reflect on the relationship and compassionately adjust as needed is so helpful. It takes away the anxiety of bringing something 'unpleasant' up.
The way you've shared this, makes it easy to remember, approachable, and playful! Thank you for writing this. It makes me really happy to see you following through on the intention of writing more!
Hi Amer! I love that you've already been embodying this in your relationships. I appreciate how you describe it as cultivating safe space. I feel that so many people don't feel safety even in their committed relationships, but perhaps something like this can help them towards that. I'm curious to know what your variations have looked like, and if there's a certain approach that's worked better for you.
Also, I'm grateful for your cheerleading around my writing! Feeling much less intellectually constipated now. I hope to read more from you as well!
Jessica, this is such a valuable essay, and I'm really looking forward to reading your posts about how these ideas come into play in long-term partnerships!
Thank you Leslie! Your feedback was very helpful and encouraging. I may bother you again for thoughts on the one on long-term partnerships.
I feel like you could totally start an app or a dating course from this and it would catch on like fire!
This reminds me of what I heard from a friend, that she and her husband would schedule “couch chats” every two weeks to check in with their feelings about the relationship and themselves. Also a great way for relationship maintenance too (and friendships as you mentioned). Great post Jessica!
Thanks Clare! It makes me happy to know you think this could be a course. A few others have mentioned this as well, so I think I should seriously explore this idea. I'd love your input on this. What part do you think could be the most helpful to others?
I love that your friend and her husband are already living this idea. Couch chats is such a great name for it - light and playful.
I am obsessed with this and have shared it with so many people! First, it’s so well written and easy to understand. I’m already thinking about how I can incorporate this into my dating life. Something I love about this essay and your framework is you give space to yourself and your potential partners to have tough conversations. I’ve started to realize how important this is in relationships, but it’s hard for both sides to find the ideal time to address something. Looking forward to the follow up piece too!